Divorce...would you do it again? X

I get this question a lot.
Especially right after someone asks me what went wrong.
Did he cheat on you?
No.
Did I cheat on him?
No.

Just, I guess we were both at a place in our relationship where we had stopped growing together.
17 years living together...19 total years married.

So, now, I have always said:
"No, I have never wished we had not gotten divorced.  I am happier now."

But these last couple weeks since my x got married on Valentine's Day...
I have really been thinking about this.

You can never go back and change decisions that you made.
We are two different people now.
VERY different.
The blessing now is that my 4 girls not only have a step-mother, but also a step-brother to love.

BUT, in the beginning, if I knew then what I know now about single life.
How hard it really is to find exactly what you are looking for...
I have been single 10 years now...with no real connections nor viable love-interests lasting more than 1 or 2 months, (and only 4 of those)

Each of my 4 daughters has struggles that I wonder if they would have those if their father and I had stayed together.

At this point, knowing everything that I know now about how easy it is NOT to find someone who is exactly what you are looking for, with common goals and desires, and how little everyone wants to settle for less at this time in our lives, (2nd or more times around), I can definitively tell you that if you are still married:
WORK ON IT.

IT IS VERY HARD TO LIVE THIS LIFE ALONE.

Every night I go home to bed...alone.
To sleep alone, and to wake in the middle of the night ALONE.
To go out on my balcony in the morning, and have my coffee ALONE.

So, take it from someone who has been there, and done that.
I don't recommend divorce.
"That is the devil on your shoulder," as my sister says.

Work at it.
Go to counseling, TALK, find out what your partner needs to be happy.
Because it is never going to be easier to find a new one.
Especially if you have kids together.

My oldest daughter once said:
"Don't stay together for the kids, because I've never seen my mom happier than she is now."

So happiness is a choice, and as happy as I am,

I would sure rather have a constant someone in my life.
That is a picture of me...on Valentine's Day 2018, eating the chocolate MAN that my daughters gave me before heading off to their father's wedding.
I am so blessed to have had my 4 beautiful, smart, funny daughters...
I have thought to myself that as hard as it has been for me to find a replacement, that it was sure a blessing that I got married the first time, when I did.

The best thing in my life right now is, for sure....THEM!

And I hope, and pray and visualize the perfect someone, for me, finds me soon...
For I only wish for someone to find me who makes me want to be a better person.