When Longing Starts to Feel Like Love

Blog Revival 🌙 I really haven’t felt like “blogging” in quite a while. For years, writing was one of the main ways I processed life. But somewhere along the way, that outlet slowly shifted into conversations, interviews, and daily moments shared through The Being Tracy Show Podcast on YouTube. Lately, it’s felt like the podcast became my blog… just with cameras, guests, laughter, and a microphone instead of paragraphs. Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night with one of those crystal-clear realizations that almost feels delivered instead of thought. Then, suddenly, I understood a pattern that has quietly followed me for 18 years, since the end of my 17-year marriage. (19 on paper… relationships have a funny way of refusing to fit neatly into timelines) What came to me felt blog-worthy. Maybe even podcast-worthy. So here it is. For a long time, I thought love was supposed to feel like longing. Like waiting. Like hoping. Like trying to finally be “chosen” by someone emotionally unavailable. After my divorce, I fell deeply in love with a man who could never fully love me back the way I needed. Our relationship was built more on almosts than actuals: frequent run-ins, long conversations, laughter, drinks, emotional connection… but very little real affection or emotional consistency. At the time, I was living my life in the Republic of Panama, (He was Canadian), which somehow made the whole thing feel even more cinematic and impossible to let go of. My sister once described it perfectly: “It’s like you keep throwing flowers at him.” (Which she was in support of...) Honestly? She wasn’t wrong. One year, my sister and I even turned it into a full-blown birthday campaign. Cyrano de Bergerac style. Love notes. Gifts. Thoughtful surprises leading up to his birthday. We were convinced: How could this possibly fail? And eventually, reality interrupted the fantasy. I learned things that forced me to finally stop romanticizing the connection and see it for what it truly was: a relationship built more on projection, longing, and emotional scarcity than genuine partnership. Painful clarity… but clarity nonetheless. And looking back now, I realize something powerful: Sometimes we confuse emotional intensity with emotional safety. The butterflies. The uncertainty. The mixed signals. The deep conversations followed by distance. It can feel intoxicating because the nervous system starts associating longing with love. But real love? Real love is not just chemistry in fleeting moments. It’s consistency. It’s emotional continuity. It’s feeling cared for after the magic moment ends. I’m finally learning there’s a difference between: Someone who makes you feel deeply… and someone who makes you feel safe to love deeply. I never saw him again after I left Panama and returned to the states and Miami Beach. Not much later, I learned from his daughter that he was dying from cancer. I asked if he wanted to see me. I don’t think he did. And truthfully… I don’t think I did either. Not because the connection didn’t matter. But because, somewhere deep down, we both understood that chapter had already said everything it came to say. And maybe healing begins the moment we stop asking: “Why can’t they love me back?” …and start asking: “Why did I believe I had to earn love in the first place?” #BeingTracy #ThirdAct #GratitudeThroughTheCracks #HealingJourney #LoveAndAttachment #EmotionalSafety #Reinvention #DatingOver50 #SelfWorth #NaplesFlorida #WomenOver50 #TheBeingTracyShow