"I'm going to blow my brains out!!!"

Good Afternoon, friends!

This title may be a little frightening sounding for you.

This is something that my late mother used to say, as a busy super efficient, Type A,
 dramatic mother of 6 children,
when times got tough, and stress was high, she used to exclaim :  

 "I'M GOING TO BLOW MY BRAINS OUT!!!"

Which now, my brothers and sisters and I lovingly, laughingly, refer to as possibly 

not the best thing to say in front of your children, 

but anyway, 

I can't think of a better way to emote the feeling that I have now...

Maybe you are frustrated and can relate?

I have to admit, that getting some kind of a strange PAINFUL arm injury, like tendonitis, 

following my return trip from NYC for a conference there recently, 

then being quarantined for only 1 day or has it been 2 already?

Also having spent a lot of time at home in the past weeks, months, (?) 

studying for a real estate internet class test & passing, then state test that, 

although I didn't get a great night sleep, and I didn't feel ready for it, 

I got a 73% on when I needed a 75% to pass.  

Which, to be honest with you...I was pretty happy with that score, after feeling so unprepared.

Now the testing center is closed for at least a month, due to the Corona Virus scare, 

and I can't even see what answers I missed until then.  

I stopped seeing Richard Branson, 

(or should I call him "Mr. French," like "the gentleman's gentleman," 
who was a butler for a billionaire, from Family Affair, 
a show in the 80's, one of my good friends keeps referring to him this way)

when he went to Colombia recently, 

(after an almost 5 month relationship, that I now realize I was alone in)

for a MONTH VACATION to spend time 

ALONE...

"needing time away for mind, body and spirit."  

Surprisingly, I ran into Mr. French in the airport on his "Backpacking" journey, that had him dressed as sharp as I'd ever seen him.

He had the gate right next to mine, and he gave me a 

big smile, a few kind words, and a kiss goodbye. 

Mr. French was flying out to Colombia and me NYC for a conference.

Mr. French Facetime (video) called me a couple of times when he first got there, and even said he wanted to talk to me "until I fell asleep," the first night, but I was busy studying
& while wondering why he chose this trip alone, I didn't have time for that.

Mr. French met a Colombian woman that he had an "instant connection" 

with the 1st night in Medellin, and then immediately the facetime video calls & all texting stopped until I saw a picture of his legs on top of the sheets of a bungalow on the beach on facebook.

To end any hurt feelings I had, I just de-friended him, and then apologized the next morning, but admitted that I just couldn't "watch him fuck around Colombia."

When he was unresponsive again, I responded that he should "just bring her home with him."
Finally he responded:  "I'm trying."

I didn't feel like this was the last and only guy for me, but I'll admit...THAT was disappointing.

The only other male connection (other than my buddies) I've had, 

was with one whom I recently met online.

Yeah, much to my dismay, I got back on just 1 dating website, briefly & sporadically.

Super handsome guy, 45 year old, "gym rat," AMAZING body,

but it has come out that, although he is living down the road,

after his 2nd divorce, he told me he was still waiting and needed to sell the house 

& get the financials to be worked out.

Bumble Bret is living with a girl/woman, who he doesn't want to live with anymore.  

He keeps asking to stay the night at my house, 

(We've never met in person)

and so I finally told him to 

"be a man," and get yourself a hotel room or an apartment!!"  

To which he finally responded that he isn't because he has no money!!  UGH

Yep, this is the state of affairs.

The best guy that I've met and spent a significant amount of time with, replaced me in one night with some available girl in Colombia that he was able to take traveling around the country with him for 3 weeks, and the only other opportunity I've got right now is with a super handsome smart guy 

(good speller & author), 

who has no money and no place of his own to live.

Anyway, for all of these reasons and more, I think right now is the perfect time that if you are alone, as I am, just ENJOY your time alone.  

Work on yourself.  

Today I ordered some resistance bands to do resistance training in the apartment, when I'm not working on the computer.  

I'm taking some time off the studying to just do some brainless activities like watch comedy shows and movies, and I've even caught up on the news.

I'm taking the Live Ultimate Elixir and 'Shrooms every morning, and using all the skin products daily,
which mushrooms are great for anti-oxidizing all impurities and keeping my system clean!
UltimateTracy.com

I'm waking up early and walking to my chiropractor.
 For me, it is worth it to stay off meds & stay out of the hospital.

Also, this gets me out, & because Dr. Steven Hamburg, of Miami Beach,
www.MiamiBeachDiscCenter.com
is in his clinic, & cares about helping me to get my arm back working and pain free,
which incidentally, I learned that pain in the right side of the body, metaphysically, the right side of the body is the male side of the body, so perhaps my disappointment
in Mr. French has shown itself in my arm pain.

Probably, I am a cancer., born July 21...emotional, strong feelings...hard exterior soft interior
...wear my heart on my sleeve.

That sounds like me.

Whatever the reason, and whatever the challenges that you face,

Now the Universe has given us the perfect opportunity & the TIME to get closer with our families or just a few close quality friendships.

Eventually, I will also have my real estate license, so I'll be able to help you find a safe & comfy home, as well as ultimate health thru the LIVE ULTIMATE products,
as well as exposure to 50,000 chiropractors! 

www.theamericanchiropractor.com

 I am excited for what the future brings!

So now in South Beach, Miami, we celebrate "wine o'clock!"  I hope you will celebrate with me...as my quarantini is in the form of RED WINE today!  
Sometimes, you just have to make your own fun!!😁